Lacrosse isn't a cross we're willing to bear

by **Sonny** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 9:00 pm

By Tom Hoffarth

Like the latest strain of the West Nile virus, an agitated swarm of African Killer Bees and the construction of another Wal-Mart, lacrosse must be eradicated before it permeates any more neighborhood parks in Southern California.

The first question that's bound to cross your mind if you happen to be accosted by someone trying to push this snooty East Coast-rooted prep schoolyard activity as the newest hip, hot, happening sport is: Why?

Lacrosse is a pretentious cross between hockey and hokey. It's NASCAR paint swapping with reinforced butterfly nets and face cages. It's an excuse to practice police baton submission techniques while propelling a croquet ball at a goalie that only wishes he'd be allowed to wear at least a pair of shin guards before he develops any more welts.

Anyone who wanted to do some cross checking on their own could have dropped $35 for a midfield seat at the frigid Home Depot Center in Carson on Saturday night to experience the magic of something called the inaugural "First 4 Lacrosse Invitational." Traditional Division I college powerhouses Notre Dame, Syracuse, North Carolina and Georgetown were invited to travel cross-country to: a) introduce it to Californians as an alternative to full-contact surfing and b) pound each other without facing criminal prosecution under California's more lenient laws.

Between teeth chattering from the fog that rolled in and teeth rattling from the wicker wacks delivered across the grill, it was an event only a well-paid orthodontist or a displaced alum could enjoy.

Apparently, this is just the apex of a slippery slope. That crazy bunch at AEG, trying to make ends meet since the Kings' season has been flushed, have bought into something called Major League Lacrosse and will financially support a Los Angeles franchise starting with the 2006 season.

Consider yourself warned.

"At a time when more Southern Californians than ever are following and playing the sport of lacrosse, we couldn't be more pleased to bring to Los Angeles and the Home Depot Center a Major League Lacrosse franchise," said Tim Leiweke, the point man for everything the otherwise astute Anschutz group does.

It should be pointed out that this is also a time when more Southern Californians than ever are driving cars. The freeway arteries once engineered to get people from the Home Depot Center and the downtown Staples Center within a calendar month are already too darn congested.

L.A. is one of four West Coast targets for the exuberant expansion dreams of the MLL and commissioner -- get this -- Jake Steinfeld, the same "Body By Jake" infomercial fitness freak who made his name as the price-gauging trainer to the stars. What little transplanted lacrosse community there already is in L.A. is just asking to be seduced into the false hope of a big-time popularity by a fast-talking, loud-mouth New Yorker who has set up shop here.

We're already familiar with Jake's body of work. We're not pumped up.

LINK TO REST OF COLUMN:
http://www.dailynews.com/Stories/0,1413 ... 32,00.html

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by **laxfan25** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 9:15 pm

They've been warned!! Watch out, lacrosse is coming in a big time way!
Wadda ya say we take Tom HotFart out behind the woodshed and show him what can pass for legal checks in D1. I'm sure he'd appreciate the first hand education!

by **Rob Graff** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 9:40 pm

Can I be at the front of the line?

Rob

by **CATLAX MAN** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 9:52 pm

If this wasn't a hearty dose of sarcasm, then the only explanation is that he's an idiot. I prefer to think the former is true. If not, have at him, Rob.

by **OAKS** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:20 pm

CATLAX MAN wrote:If this wasn't a hearty dose of sarcasm, then the only explanation is that he's an idiot. I prefer to think the former is true. If not, have at him, Rob.

Even if it is a hearty dose of sarcasm, he's an idiot. It takes a fairly brilliant writer to pull off a good tongue-in-cheek piece. If you're not making yourself clear to at least a handful of people after they've read it through a few times, then you definitely need to go back and work on things. That he isn't making it clear one way or the other to people who are knowledgable about the sport let alone the rest of the population just means he needs to practice his writing a bit more. I know, I know - I'm probably not one to talk, but he does it for a living.

by **CATLAX MAN** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:24 pm

OK, let's go with the idiot thing. Rob, he's all yours and use the wood shafts.

by **socallax** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:29 pm

I hope everyone out there will join me in e-mailing this jerk to let him know how offensive this article is to those of us who are truly passionate about our sport. :twisted:

by **JRA** on Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:34 pm

Just in case anyone is interested.

thomas.hoffarth@dailynews.com

by **strykr11** on Mon Mar 14, 2005 12:08 am

Yeah... click on the link and read the rest of the article....it is sarcasm... :wink:

by **WaterBoy** on Mon Mar 14, 2005 4:07 am

I think we should all show him that he's right.

Let's show him what a bunch of pissed off Nascar hokeys can do with reinforced butterfly nets and face masks to a type-writer-wielding decaf soy latte princess.

The lesson in "police baton submission techniques" will be free of charge. The bandaids are extra.

by **Danny Hogan** on Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:09 am

strykr11 wrote:Yeah... click on the link and read the rest of the article....it is sarcasm...

what in the hell did i just read?

This guy needs a couple sessions with either Rob Graff or perhaps Alex Smith. Actually how bout both. That was a soggy crap sandwich of an article either way.

by **Rob Graff** on Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:26 am

Here's the plan to educate this writer on the errors in his piece:

1. I show him the elegant beauty of a well timed neck check and back check, using, of course my old crooked arrow wood shaft from HS, and then, the same with my newfangled titanium shaft. He can then compare and contrast the experience with each.

2. Alex, with Danny as the shooter, instructs him on the basics of goaltending. Danny has a very uncharacteristically inaccurate shooting day, as demonstrated by the numerous bruises that magically appear on the writer's unpadded body.

3. We then progress to demonstrating the importance of conditioning for a middy by having Damon Conklin Moragne (I apologize for the bad spelling) demonstrate the "shut off and have a long stick chase you" ride...

4. Then, as the ending to this wonderous day, he's taken to the Pit, and heckled by the WCLL Alumni All-stars, who, in a glorious display of lacrosse brotherhood, come together from all over California and Arizona to demonstrate the environment that a typical lacrosse player has to be able to screen out.

Any other suggestions?

by **CATLAX MAN** on Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:34 am

I would also think a series of slap checks with the broken arrow while he was driving to the net finished off by a body check from the sliding defensman ought to be added, but it's your call.

by **Rob Graff** on Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:52 am

Excellent addition. I'm taking nominations for gentlemen to repeatedly demonstrate a COMA slide.

by **SDSULAX** on Mon Mar 14, 2005 12:22 pm

The painful part to the article is the reference to AYSO, who we directly compete with for field space, I don't thing it was sarcasm at all, I think this was a rant from a "soccer dad", you cannot imagine the amount of public facilities in California that all contain soccer fields that are constantly reserved for AYSO leagues, when you ask to use a facility for a lacrosse game, people look at you like you are nuts, " these fields are for soccer", makes you want to scream. Sore subject.