By Tom Hoffarth
Like the latest strain of the West Nile virus, an agitated swarm of African Killer Bees and the construction of another Wal-Mart, lacrosse must be eradicated before it permeates any more neighborhood parks in Southern California.
The first question that's bound to cross your mind if you happen to be accosted by someone trying to push this snooty East Coast-rooted prep schoolyard activity as the newest hip, hot, happening sport is: Why?
Lacrosse is a pretentious cross between hockey and hokey. It's NASCAR paint swapping with reinforced butterfly nets and face cages. It's an excuse to practice police baton submission techniques while propelling a croquet ball at a goalie that only wishes he'd be allowed to wear at least a pair of shin guards before he develops any more welts.
Anyone who wanted to do some cross checking on their own could have dropped $35 for a midfield seat at the frigid Home Depot Center in Carson on Saturday night to experience the magic of something called the inaugural "First 4 Lacrosse Invitational." Traditional Division I college powerhouses Notre Dame, Syracuse, North Carolina and Georgetown were invited to travel cross-country to: a) introduce it to Californians as an alternative to full-contact surfing and b) pound each other without facing criminal prosecution under California's more lenient laws.
Between teeth chattering from the fog that rolled in and teeth rattling from the wicker wacks delivered across the grill, it was an event only a well-paid orthodontist or a displaced alum could enjoy.
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