Jack Bauer
Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:02 pmJack Bauer
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
Jack Bauer won the Indianapolis 500 in a rickshaw pulled by Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're SOL.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When you open a can of whoop, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer can make Minute Rice in less than a minute.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack Bauer.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
While being 'put under' in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Jack Bauer once did a cannonball into the Indian Ocean... you know the rest.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
You are going to tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know, it's just a question of how much you want it to hurt.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
Jack Bauer won the Indianapolis 500 in a rickshaw pulled by Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're SOL.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When you open a can of whoop, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer can make Minute Rice in less than a minute.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack Bauer.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
While being 'put under' in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Jack Bauer once did a cannonball into the Indian Ocean... you know the rest.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
You are going to tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know, it's just a question of how much you want it to hurt.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Who in the heck is Jack Bauer?