Brain Cramps

[Brent Burns]

Source: http://endued.tripod.com/newsandupdates/id34.html

Thought you would get some chuckles out of reading those quotes:

1) "Smoking kills. If you are killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the Federal Anti-smoking Campaign.

2) "The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

3) "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

4) "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--State Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina.


There are more, but you can click on the link above. Something funny at the end of your work day or fun day or school day or whatever you were doing today.

[KnoxVegas]

Ok, I cannot leave good enough alone. A smattering of my favorite Dan Quayle quotes. Pass the ammo and put the fish in the barrel! Enjoy! Overload? Yes but Dan Quayle was to late night comedy in the late 1980s- early 1990s what Tony Danza is today (or then). As Homer would say "Oh, I get jokes. I laugh at Tony Danza

"Bobby Knight told me this: 'There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense.' In other words a good offense wins."

"El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a single voice."

"Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You can't do that. It's gone, gone forever."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a -it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."

"I am confident that the Republican Party will pick a nominee that will beat Bill Clinton."

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

"I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that have had a difficult time."

"I deserve respect for the things I did not do."

"I happen to be a Republican president - ah, the vice president."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. "

"I understand the importance of bondage between parent and child."

"I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman. "

"I was known as the chief grave robber of my state. "

"If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check."

Next to the potato(e) incident, my personal favorite:

"It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. "

For more, check out:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/d/dan_quayle.html

[Brent Burns]

"If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check."

Ahh! Do remember those good ol' days of Quayle and his Qualyisms. Since you mentioned his quote of "spell check", that reminded me of a cheesy one (tamu33, I know you will say that this comic strip is quite cheesy), so click on this link at:

http://www.creators.com/1218/bc/bc1218g.gif